woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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