I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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