I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
