Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
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