Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
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