so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize