i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
