You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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