I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
