the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
