ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
