he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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