I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
