No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
