when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
