3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
