I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
