Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
