how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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