I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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