That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
