is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
