i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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