Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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