There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
