he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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