I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
