i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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