Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize