I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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