guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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