I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
