how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
