I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize