Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
