And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
