I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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