i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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