Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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