Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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