Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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