Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
