either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
