so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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