fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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