sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
