I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
