Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
