I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
