Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
