she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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