the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
