Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
