I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
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