And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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