READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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