Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Do you remember whose house we're in?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
