my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Randomize
