Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
