i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
