I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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