I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
