you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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