Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
