I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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